Project PYE
by Tribunal
Summary: PYE stands for Pass Your Exam. Saber failed her sciences and Rin and Shiro helps her. Shiro will do about everything to help her, legal or illegal... Lots of humour and laughs. SaberShiro.
1. Prologue

Project PYE (Pass Your Exam)

Written by: Tribunal

Comment: Just a break from studying, some writing I came up with when revising (hm...)

Synopsis: Shiro decides to help Saber pass her sciences, whether or not the right or wrong way...

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**Prologue: The Results**

It was a bright and sunny day in Fuyuki City, yet the students of Fuyuki High School felt otherwise.

It was the dreadful release of the Mid-Year Exams, which nobody (probably except Rin (1)) could say that they had done well. The tests were tough and there was little time allocated to finish each test.

All of the students of Class 4-Q were sitted at their desks. When the bell had rung, Ms Fujimura, the "Taiga", promptly walked in and they greeted each other.

"Alright, class, you know what will be happening now, right? I am going to return you your Mid-Year Exam Papers. Come and collect your papers in register number order."

"One, Ayami Kokotuo," she said, and the list of papers came quickly.

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As Shiro collected his papers, his heart thumped as quickly as the imaginary drum roll. When Taiga handed him the papers, she added casually, "Well done."

Shiro immediately heaved a sigh of relief and looked at his grades.

English: 85/100 (Holy cow...)

But when he started seeing the rest of the grades, his jaw fell from his head to his toe.

Maths: 50/100 (...)

Chemistry: 30/50

Japanese: 100/150 (...)

Biology: 30/50

And the list goes on... And then, Taiga casually added again, "For English."

Shiro went back to his seat with a frozen face and comically dropped the papers on the table.

Back there, Saber muttered, "He screwed..."

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"Saber!"

The said blonde immediately hurried to the teacher's desk.

"Well, Saber, well done for your languages and mathematics, but for your sciences..."

Saber knew what her Ms Fujimura was talking about. She received over her papers and promptly looked at her science scores.

Chemistry: 10/50 (Holy cow...)

Biology: 15/50 (Wow...)

(And here is the rest of her grades; English: 90/100, Japanese: 135/150, Maths: 100/100 (She must be an accurate genius...))

"Oh well, that is not too bad..." Saber muttered to herself as she returned to her seat. But just then, she unintentionally peaked at Urameshi, the class troublemaker, and his scores, and saw a big '49' for Chemistry and '40' for Biology.

"Maybe not..." she added.

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Saber normally loved lunch breaks. This meant defeating the nemesis she always ranked number one, until now (2). However, she was in a rather bad mood today and skipped lunch, even though she was unusually hungry today.

She joined the table near the gang and sat down.

Rin was busy talking to Sakura about some rock band known as the 'Rocking Mads'; Ilya was pestering Shiro in the usual manner (3), but this time also showing off her marks for school (English: 80/100; considering she is a German, that is quite good, Japanese: 140/150; that is even better; Maths: 85/100; at least better that Shiro; Chemistry: 40/50; Biology: 40/50; hey... that's persistent). Saber sat beside Rin uncomfortably.

Rin took no notice of her unusually solemn face and asked, "How were the tests?"

Sakura chided, "Rin..."

Saber just kept quiet and a blue aura appeared around her. Rin sweatdropped at the aura of depression. "Is it really that bad?"

Saber handed her the papers. Rin took a look, and exclaimed, "Wow... Saber, you did better than I did last year for Maths and English than I did last year... Your Japanese is alright... Your Sciences are..."

Rin simply said after looking through, "I shall give you tutoring right away, if that is the last thing I do..." (4)

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Footnotes:

(1) Rin was saying: "The paper is so easy; I feel the need to set the exams myself." Everyone around her starting shuddering in fear at her confidence and the marks they would get if the exams were set by her.

(2) Saber thought: "Alright... so hunger is really not that important... I shall rank science my number one nemesis... and see how I fail Chem and Bio again!"

(3) "Onii-chan!"

"Ugh... Ilya, stop doing that!"

"But Onii-chan, don't you want to see my (fill in the blanks)?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with coiling yourself all around my arm?"

The people around gave death stares, chanting: "You have Saber, Rin and Sakura, and now you want Ilya? Die... die... die..."

(4) Rin dropped the papers in shock and rubbed her eyes before picking them up and looking at the score again. 10/50 and 15/50 again?! She flipped through the pages and looked at all the penmarks all over and thought she was seeing the wrong paper. It

reminded her of an Elementary one's answers but she recognised the handwriting and sighed.

"Perhaps she need to take tuition... I take that back. She needs it right away if she is to pass her End Of Year..."

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Pls R and R and give me your comments... Just wondering whether you like it or not.


	2. Chapter 1: Lab Basics

Project PYE (Pass Your Exam)

Written by: Tribunal

Comment: Just a break from studying, some writing I came up with when revising (hm...)

Synopsis: Shiro decides to help Saber pass her sciences, whether or not the right or wrong way...

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Chapter 1- Chemistry: Lab Basics (Rin)

The next day was a cloudy one, and it was the first science lesson that she would be having with Rin. She personally invited her to her laboratory (1).

When our favourite blonde arrived at the surprisingly modern laboratory which contrasted the old appearance of the Tohsaka mansion, she breathed in and out slowly.

"Hello, Saber, hope you did not take long to find my science lab? Well... let us start with a few things... take out your notebook (2), for I am going to introduce to you the apparatus that are commonly found in a lab."

As Saber took out her notebook, she noted containers with different contents of different colours (3).

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Rin started with the lighter.

"This, as you can see, is a lighter. Something we use regardless of whether we are cooking or doing an experiment."

"I didn't know we used THAT to cook the food."

"Ur... I mean to start the flame that will cook the food."

"OK..."

"And this is the Bunsen Burner, it is a slightly adapted version of the gas apparatus on the cooking table, as you can see, this one is supplied from the pipe and is lighter and much easier to use."

"So why can't we use the gas on the cooking table to do our experiments?"

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Rin continued to explain the various glass apparatus on the table.

She picked up the glass rod.

"This, is a glass rod. We use it for stirring mixtures and do other things that we can do with it, for example, supporting a lightweight object in an experiment (4)."

Saber replied, "So why don't we use it to stir the water on the wok, or use the wooden stirrer for this job? Or use a stick to support the lightweight object?"

Rin replied, "Ur... do you want to eat poisoned food? Or look at your experiment fall apart because the stick snapped? I think not..."

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Rin then took the round-bottom flask. Unbeknownst to her, Archer entered the lab as well.

"This, Saber, is a _round-bottom _flask. Make a drawing of it in your notebook. It is use in experiments to boil liquids."

Archer looked very delighted and outright disgusting.

"And this, is a _conical _flask. It is used in experiments to boil liquids as well, but it is flat-bottomed, so you can place it on the table, unlike the round-bottom flask."

Archer starting drooling. (5)

Rin felt a drop of saliva on her shoulders and impatiently slam her foot on his. Then, she simply ordered him to get out in an untypical Rin-ish way (6).

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After another hour, both of them made it to the end of the lab introduction. Rin, however, seeing that Saber was interested in the chemicals as well, decided to introduce them to her as well.

"Lesson 2, Lab Chemicals.

"Let us start with this. (Takes beaker of water) What is the liquid inside?"

Saber thought of it for a while (7) and said, "Vinegar."

Rin smacked her forehead in dismay and asked, "What made you say that? It is water! Vinegar appears nearly nowhere in science experiments."

"Oh..."

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"When heating liquids in a boiling tube, you have to make sure that the angle that the tube is pointing at is 45 degrees. Now pass me the tube marked 'EFS (Experiment for Saber)' which contains potassium.

"Ok..." replied Saber as she passed her the test tube.

"Now you are supposed to heat it like this..." Rin did the exact same thing as she said, but a moment later, she noted the test tube with EFS on the test tube rack and wondered what she was holding.

"ETH?! Ethanol?" (8)

KABOOOOM!

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After about another half an hour's time on clearing up the mess (for Saber) and re-dressing appropriate attire (Rin)(9), they were back to the lesson.

"Alright, here is the test tube with potassium. Heat it at a 45 degrees angle."

"Ok..."

Saber took the test tube by hand and put it directly above the flame, and at 45 degrees angle. However, her hand felt burning hot and she dropped the test tube right inside...

THE BEAKER OF WATER! (9)

KABBOOOOOM!

Rin replied after the dust had settled, "One, you are to use the thongs to hold the test tube when heating. Two, maybe I should have asked you to heat water instead..." and collapsed on the ground, raising a white flag. "I give up..."

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Footnotes:

(1) The button on the doorbell: "If you are going to the laboratory, press the green button. If not, press the slightly greener button." Saber pressed the correct button, and the door mat turned into a hole through which she dropped inside the lab.

(2) Rin's explanation: "The art to mastering exams, tip 1. You must learn a sacred art, that is the art of taking notes."

(3) School rumour: "Wow... I heard that Tohsaka is experimenting with human flesh and sandwiches. Whoever is living with her must be having a tough time..."

(4) A test of Biology. "You are to find out the effects of osmosis on potatoes using only these ingredients. Water, amylase."

(5) Round-bottom: Archer looked at Rin's miniskirt. Conical: _Cones_... Archer looked at Saber's chest.

(6) A loudspeaker, a deaf Archer... shattering of glass, you know what happened... She simply yelled at him to get out.

(7) "What if this is one of Rin's secret tricks to make me look totally pathetic? I must fall for this one even though this smells like vinegar, tastes like vinegar and looks like vinegar!"

(8) Ethanol + Heat Explosive Reaction

(9) Potassium + Water Explosive Reaction. Simple as that...

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Alright... another chapter done. Send in your comments!


	3. Chapter 2: 1 out of XXXXX Biology Lesson

Project PYE (Pass Your Exam)

Written by: Tribunal

Comment: Just a break from studying, some writing I came up with when revising (hm...)

Synopsis: Shiro decides to help Saber pass her sciences, whether or not the right or wrong way...

--

Chapter 2- Biology Lesson (1/XXXXXX) with Shiro Rewritten (A/N)

A few days later, Rin managed to get hold of a conversation with Shiro when Saber and the rest were not there (1).

And that marked to the start of the Biology Lessons Shiro would have to give to Saber in the absence of Rin.

Shiro knew that his Biology results were less than satisfactory, due to the fact that he had to bear living with his "harem" (2) during his weekends, the only time he could find studying. And now that he did not have enough time to study, well, it was almost natural that his grades had to suffer, unlike Rin, who had joined no clubs and an infinite amount of money streaming in from nowhere and Sakura who was so good at archery that she could do her homework during practice (with courtesy of team captain Ayako (3)) and earns her money seemingly from her brother (4).

And it was no surprise that due to their extra intellect due to them being magi, they frequently scored very well for their tests. Shiro lacked both the intellect and the time to study, so naturally he does not do so well. Actually, in fact, other than tracing and mechanical analysis, there is probably nothing else that he really is good at- ok, maybe other than the ability to attract a harem.

Thus, Shiro felt that he was not fit enough to do the job. However, the absence of someone better forced him to take up this role, even though anyone would reckon that if he asked Sakura to tutor her, it might have more effect. But Shiro knew that would not happen (5), due to the intense rivalry that results in Kami-sama currently deciding his role as a price for the winner (6).

When Saber took out her notebook (7), Shiro started.

"Today, we shall be doing an elementary school topic, Adaptation."

Saber raised up her hand. "Shiro, by speaking of Adaptation, do you mean human adaptation?"

"Yes, but we are also talking about the adaptations made by animals and the other kingdoms of animals."

Saber thought for a moment. Then she replied, "They do?"

"Yes, like for example, fish. They have adapted to be able to breathe in oxygen in water, while humans have not."

"But then what about divers? They hold their breath for an amount of time deemed impossible by human strength."

"That is because they have oxygen tanks, Saber."

"Then what about swimmers? Don't they breathe in water as well?"

"Ur… no. They actually breathe the oxygen in the air, just that good ones do it very fast and it is basically unnoticeable."

"I see. Then what about infants? You know, about the fact that they can stay in water without drowning immediately unlike toddlers and older people?"

"Hmm… if I am not wrong, it has to do with a special muscle that allows them to keep the water out of their throats, but they do need to breathe air at regular intervals as well."

"Shiro, can you remind me on the solution of proving a hypothesis?"

Shiro thought for a while, not about the answer, but rather on why she mentioned it now. "Doing an experiment, why?"

"Shiro, can you bring me and Ilya to an Olympic-sized Swimming Pool (8)? I would like to test this out myself."

Shiro nearly fainted (9). And he also nearly had a nosebleed (10).

But nonetheless, he continued the lesson, when he recovered from the shock. To say the least, it was delivered successfully, but Shiro doubted that she got everything in.

He was right. Saber's notebook was… full of illegible scribbles and doodles (11).

--

Footnotes:

(1)

Rin attracted Saber and Taiga by the prospect of food and Ilya was dragged off by Taiga. And since Sakura was sick that day, and Rider-sensei was at home taking care of her, they actually found time to talk.

Rin: Psst… Can you come over for a moment?

Shiro: Yes?

Rin: Well, I would require half a month's break from teaching Saber her sciences.

Shiro: Why?

Rin: Because my lab requires that time to be rebuilt. And to a better quality to withstand explosions after explosions. Also partially because my… useless servant is acting deaf (alright, maybe he is because I used the loudhailer to shout in his ear during the last lesson, but he should have recovered immediately) and I beat him into an unconscious pulp due to that, so he needs a week to recover.

(2)

You know what we are talking about. But do not be disappointed, it might have been Shinji who coined this term and started using it. One sunny Sunday…

Shinji: Yo, Shiro. That is one heck of a harem you have gotten into.

Shiro: That does not sound encouraging, Shinji.

Saber: Shiro, can you bring me to a date?

Sakura: Not fair! I asked him first!

Ilya: Onii-chan!!

Taiga: Lay your hands off Shiro, little girl.

Shinji: Have fun with your harem, Shiro.

Sakura: (with dark tentacles appearing) Ohohoho… onii-chan, sempai's mine, he is not available to the others.

Shinji: (gulps…)

Sadly, domestic violence is kind of allowed here, so Shinji appeared in crutches the next day.

And just to spoil everyone's delight, Rin was chasing Archer and Shiro actually got into their path, so he was knocked out instantly, making everyone chase Archer instead. Oh well. No one bothered about Shiro, so Rider had to clear the mess.

(3)

It was a typical Archery club practice. While everyone else was hard at work shooting arrows everywhere…

(Here is a sidetrack story:

Some arrows even landed very near the Track and Field club's tracks, causing a few very frightening incidents with the male members. Take the example of Gilgamesh for instance, when he was doing a run…

Gilgamesh was running at an inhuman speed on the track.

Gilgamesh: Haha, losers, you can't even beat me, even when I am running for the first time.

(Soon, the run progressed into the last lap…)

In the archery club…

Ayako: Alright, juniors, get ready to aim… and fire at the bull's-eye!

(One of the juniors shot the arrow high up into the air, and out of the practice range.)

It landed near… the split on Gilgamesh's pants. Gilgamesh immediately fell down and gulped as he noticed how close he was at being fatherless. Then he became the last runner.

Back at the archery club…

Ayako: WTH! Where were you shooting?

Junior: Ur… the bull's-eye in the sky?

Ayako: Next time, look where you are… Ahh. Saber-san, what are you doing here?

Saber whispers into her ear about Gilgamesh's plight. Ayako started smiling.

Ayako: (Turning around) I am pleased, please do this more often, and you will be raised to the rank of vice-chairman soon. (She raises a thumbs-up with an evil grin.)

And this is the end of this story…)

… Sakura-chan, the best archer in the club, being only second to Ayako herself, was busy doing homework in the club with permission from Ayako. Meanwhile, Shiro was doing the exact opposite, and was commanded by Shinji (sort of) to clear the room of the never-ending amount of heavy boxes.

When Sakura asks Ayako to be excused…

Sakura: Ayako-san, may I take a rest?

Ayako: Sure, why not? In fact you can go now.

Sakura: No, I want to stay. I must provide moral support for our juniors (of course, it is the power of seduction) for the club to improve and excel.

Ayako: Alright, whatever you say.

When Shiro asks Ayako to be excused from his chores…

Shiro: Ayako-sama, may I take a rest?

Ayako: Hmm… Shiro, is Shinji asking you to do impossible chores now?

Shiro: Not exactly.

Ayako: Hey, Shiro, you have even rescued me before from that lecherous slacker. Thus this should be no problem at all for you.

Shiro: Hey, even Superman needs a break.

Ayako: I do not believe in Superman, only God and you, Shiro (hmm, did someone forget to add Ayako to the harem list?).

Shiro: Since you believe in me, you should let me have a break.

Ayako: Nope.

Shiro: Why?

Ayako: Because I did not specify what I believe in you about. I believe in you to help people out, not whining when asked to do a chore. Now go.

Shiro cries me a river.

Here, anyone can see the stark contrast between the scenarios and eventually, you should come up with the following conclusion: Never attract a harem.

(4)

How Shinji earns his money…

Ayako: Hey, Shinji, for every time you manage to get Emiya-kun to help us out, I will pay you 1000 yen. If not I will make sure that hails of arrows will chase after your sorry ass. (The works of a scheming secret admirer.)

Shinji: Got that, Ayako-sama!

And how he loses it…

Sakura: (Turning evil) Hey, onii-chan, to prevent my urges from making you fatherless, you better pay me 2000 yen each time I go visit Emiya-sempai.

Shinji: What?? I need to pay you to do that?!

Sakura: Or would you want to say goodbye to your prospects of being a father? (The tentacles now look like those very… sharp blades that could even snap diamond into half.)

Shinji: (Scared out of wit…) Yes! I will do it, Sakura-sama!

Which makes us wonder how Shiro could even ensure his survival living with his harem.

(5)

Here is a typical scenario that Shiro thought Sakura would do:

Sakura: Today, we will be studying about Adaptations.

Saber: Wow.

Sakura: The Adaptations of living organisms in the world could be considered as a result of evolution. As quoted from Darwin… (Blah… Blah… Blah… 30 pages later…) … and thus, I conclude this chapter on Adaptations. Now I require a 10-paged Scientific Journal to be handed in before the tuition next week.

Saber: (confused…) Sorry, Sakura, I am lost. Could you repeat that again?

Sakura: Ok. (In a faster speed…) The Adaptations of living organisms in the world could be considered as a result of evolution. As quoted from Darwin… (Blah… Blah… Blah… 30 pages later…) … and thus, I conclude this chapter on Adaptations. Now I require a 10-paged Scientific Journal to be handed in before the tuition next week. Sorry, I got to rush, see you next week.

Saber: Wait… T-T

And the thing that worries us the most is that Sakura was doing all of it in a very sweet and harmless tone. So when the devil arrives…

(6)

Although Saber and Sakura are considered to be going-along very well with each other, they do break up in occasional fights with each other, over the matter of "Shiro".

Of course, whenever Shiro tries to be our typical "save-the-day" action hero, he simply gets cast aside by two powerful fists of immense battle aura from these two, probably with the catch line 'Don't get in involved in these, Shiro'. And it was only when Ilyasviel snatched Shiro away that caused them to shift their attention to the little girl… temporarily.

Emiya Shiro, current status: Price.

(7)

Yes. Remember Rin's art of taking notes. Now Saber's notebook looks somewhat like a doodle book. Maybe Rin is too much a genius too.

(8)

Her association: Ilya is equivalent to a one-month old child.

Shiro wanted to tell her that she has committed the fallacy of equivocation (where she associated Ilya with one-month old child wrongly). But then, if he did, he would become the equivalent of a bamboo pole in the aftermath of Assassin-kun's katana practice sessions pretty soon.

Let Kami-sama bless the philosophy teacher who is going to teach her about fallacies.

(9)

This is probably a bonk in the head from his father's spirit for even suggesting such an idea to Saber to touch his 'baby girl' in such a way. Or it might be because Shiro fainted from shock (of the sheer absurdity or danger of this, we do not know). Closer sources suggest that a wooden sword from the Taiga dojo, a dark tentacle and an arrow was found there.

We leave you to formulate your own conclusion.

(10)

To be summarised within one exclamation.

"Oh the sexy swimsuits!"

Or it might be that the wooden sword from Taiga dojo really did some brain damage. Let Kami-sama bless him, then.

(11)

Shiro: WHAT? THE NOTEBOOK IS A DOODLE BOOK?

Saber: No. It's a sketchbook. The illegible scribbles are actually notes for me; the doodles are drawings of the animals you told me about. Look, this one is a lion. (Looks more like a pig?)

Shiro: So what does this read?

Saber: Ur… pigs like to fart?

Shiro: Great. Redo.

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